Still stuck in this world trying to find myself back. Didn't feel like writing down this in words so I decided to type them out, mostly because I don't think I have much energy to write everything I want to say in words. That would be way too long and tiring.

Last 3 days were so life-changing then I am still in a shock from it. Everything is like in a daze. Or a dream.
Cried a lot and its weird. I don't usually cry much in front of other people. Really.
Am I really that weak? Why I was chosen the weakest link in the team over and over again. It breaks me every time knowing that my efforts weren't seen.
Cant they see me trying my best too? What if my best isn't enough but its really my best? Who really will understand that?

'No, if you have given in your best, things wouldn't have happened this way, they would definitely succeed/turn out to be better etc"

The frustration.

Never thought I could break down that easily, that many times.
It's a totally new experience, I wouldn't say its bad, I wouldn't say its good either, recounting all the things I went through, all the thoughts that passed through my mind.

Sigh. There's a tiny part of me who always feel like giving up this, quitting that, abandoning the whole world away. I could never learn how to communicate with people well. I could never learn how to approach people and handle people-people relationships like a pro. It's always awkward.
And I'm tired of people being so fake and nice and caring all the time.
You ask yourself, " do they really care?"

Funny. Everything just for an act.


Just some random thoughts at 2am in the morning. I should sleep. Goodnights :)